In 1988, her 90th year, she was living with her daughter in L.A. Dad invited friends and family to honor her birthday, rented a hall at Howard Johnson's, hired a caterer, and commissioned a song from me for the occasion.
[Photo: I made this collage of the LA reunion. In the lower-left hand corner, I'm at the piano singing the song with my sister Kim turning pages. I had a fever and raging sore throat at the time. My mom and dad are down there, too.]
I hadn't spent much time with Mamaw, yet -- California was so far away. But I'd read the memoir she typed at my request in 1985, and we would soon become much closer when she moved with Harriet Ann to North Carolina. In Y2K, she got some press attention in NC for having lived in the 19th, 20th, and 21st centuries. She spent her final years in a nursing home in Atlanta, where I visited her every week.
The song I performed at the family reunion was an adaptation of one I'd written for a middle school show in the style of Jerry Herman's Broadway anthem, "Mame." There's a grand slow section and a rapid-fire, highly-rhymed patter section. I'm proud to reproduce it here, especially proud of rhymes for "the continent" and the inner rhymes for "Kansas" and "Ohio."
MAMAWIn July of 2003, I spoke at a memorial service held at my church, St. James Episcopal Church in Marietta north of Atlanta.
music and lyrics by W. Scott Smoot(chorus)
Mamaw, the mother of us all,
Mamaw, nine decades to recall:
We look at all you've risen above.
Only one thing you can be sure of: We love you!Mamaw, cheerful in times of stress,
Mamaw, Depressions don't depress:
Years fly on by and worlds come and go;
You don't grow old, but continue to grow.
So happy birthday with our love, Mamaw!(patter)
Mamaw, your clan spans a continent
from the east to out west of the coast,
from the tropics clear up to Vermont, an ent-
ire family joins in a toast.Folks from northern New York said they would not miss;
from Kansas your fans issue too.
From Ohio they fly over just for this,
and Delta is grateful for you!L.A. and Reno, Nevada 'n'
San Francisco sent friends, you will find.
Look away to the la-nd of cotton,
and you'll see Georgia has you on its mind.Folks from Florida and Mississippi,
folks from most of the west hemisphere,
all convene here tonight and undoubtedly
Howard Johnson's is glad that you're here!
(repeat chorus)
Mamaw never felt old until midway through her ninth decade. It's remarkable how old she lived to be. But her youth was remarkable, too -- all 95 years of it.Born in a more courteous society than today's, she was gracious, willing to be sociable even with those who didn't return the favor. If there was nothing nice to say about someone, she kept silent. For her, the two great sins were to be anything less than civil, and not to do more than was expected of her.
She was the first child in a new generation of her family. That made her a little star at birth. [Photo: Harriet, b. 2 Feb 1898, ca. 1908]
Besides her father and grandfather, she was nurtured by a loving mother and grandmother, and four adoring aunts. Among these women were musicians, a preacher, and a tough old lady who broke an arm and kept working. So young Harriet learned that women could, and should, do anything. Her earliest memory from the age of three, was how she astonished her elders at the church singing solo, "Jesus Wants Me for a Sunbeam." [Dad was surprised and delighted that the organist played that hymn for a prelude, thanks to a tip from our rector Karen Evans, who had visited with Mamaw.]
As the family grew, she tended her siblings and cousins. She won academic honors, and played on her community's first basketball team for girls. Being the team's smallest player, she was also the most fierce. She was elected class president for all four years of high school. She paid for her own educational expenses by playing piano for the silent films at her town's first movie theatre. The manager provided sheet music that wasn't dramatic enough for her, so, on the spot, she composed new music for every scene. In those days, it was proper only for men to be professional musicians, but she received serious offers to start a musical career [playing in Hollywood]. Instead, to help the family, she went through business school, and graduated in half the normal time. She still managed to go dancing. When she could find a competent partner, the other couples cleared the floor to watch.
From the first year that it was legal for women to vote, until 2002, she did her civic duty in every election. She followed current events with interest. This spring, seeing the build-up to another war, she observed that we fight every ten to thirty years. She added, "and that will probably continue until the countries are run by women."
In her memoir written at age eighty-five, these achievements were not what she cited when she summed up her story. Instead, she was most proud of how she and her husband Dewey persevered through serious illnesses, the great Depression, and personal setbacks, to raise three children who succeeded far beyond what strangers would have expected.
She never did retire from motherhood, always saving up interesting thoughts, voicing encouragement, trying to help her children, and their progeny.
I remember when my sister lay in a deep coma, and there was little hope of recovery. It was Mamaw's voice calling out over the telephone that woke her. As mother, grand-mother, great and great-great, Mamaw gave life to many of us here in this room -- and it was her deepest pleasure to keep giving new life and sustenance to family, neighbors, eleven generations of dogs, and anyone else fortunate enough to come into contact with her.
She will be missed.
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